We were going to start this list with Jazzercise, but found some stuff that made Jazzercise look pretty normal.
This isn’t some clever name—it’s literally prancing around to get fit. It makes for some stellar Youtube videos (11 million views), but after some soul searching, I don’t have what it takes to try it.
The best way to describe them: inflatable adult diapers. Born from the idea that you can sweat off weight, these air shorts didn’t help anyone lose weight, and made you look incredibly dumb at the same time.
Red and yellow are supposed to induce appetite, and blue is supposedly unappetizing. So naturally, lose weight by wearing blue sunglasses, right? This is an actual thing, thanks to some daring company. The obesity problem is on you Oakley!
Say you want to walk outside, but you want to roll at the same time—treadmill bike! It’s a gangly, awkward contraption that is now buried in garages or dumps, maybe because people realized that if they want to run outside, a moving treadmill is a ludicrous option.
This product is supposed to tone your facial muscles. It’s also great if you want to look like a cyborg mummy.
There’s no better way to look like an insane person. Just sit on this chair, where the seat moves in a motor-driven circle, supposedly working your abs and core. In reality, it’s probably not good for your spine, but great for your hula-hooping skills.
Sometimes food really speaks to us, and meals are truly a joy. But when a plate nags us about calories, and a fork flashes a red light to tell us to stop eating, that is just too far.
There are many variations of trampoline workouts, but the oddest is probably the one where everyone has their own mini trampoline and bounces in unison to pop music.
A note: this article is just for fun. We don’t want to mock anyone seeking alternative methods for getting fit. Just be careful not to get scammed, and remember that fitness can be both practical and effective.